maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
