I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
