I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
