tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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