I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
