Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
