dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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