You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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