my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
