She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
