This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
