WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
