hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
