We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love having hate sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
