we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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