I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
