May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
