after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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