I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
