I'm eating all of the evidence.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
