sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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