fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
