So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
