party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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