Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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