Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
