hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
