Kiss
Puke
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
