Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
