There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
