just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
