she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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