I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
