...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
