I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Randomize
