sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
