I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
