You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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