did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
