OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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