remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
