Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
