i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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