you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
