I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
