i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
