i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
