that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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