I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
