all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
