I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
