i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
